


Lay Your Hands On Me

by RooBear68



Series: SPN KINK BINGO [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dean Uses Actual Words, Happy Ending, Insecure Castiel, Love Confessions, M/M, Massage, Naked Dean Winchester, Other, Past Rape/Non-con, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 17:19:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14753081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RooBear68/pseuds/RooBear68
Summary: Dean was happy. Cas had been home for months, and his brother was finally forgiving him for allowing an angel to possess him.Dean was happy, until. Until he noticed that Cas didn't invade his personal space any more. Until he noticed that Cas had stopped touching him.Something was wrong and Dean was going to fix his angel.





	Lay Your Hands On Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is for my SPN Kink Bingo card square Touch Starvation.  
> This story about killed me dead. It is not edited in any way, and I don't know when I will but I will. I just need to gt this published and get it out of my head.  
> I hope you enjoy and I hope someone hugs you today, unless you hate hugs then I hope someone smiles at you.  
> I also fiddled with canon :D
> 
> <3Roo

 

 

 

Dean could get used to this. He liked waking up happy these days. Ever since Cas was able to get back to the bunker and helped them banish Gadreel he had woke up with a smile on his face. His brother was slowly getting over being mad at him, and he got. He really did. He'd be just as pissed at Sammy if he invited an angel to set up shop in him without discussing it first. Sam was alive though, that and the fact that Cas was back with him...them was all that mattered. 

He rolled over on his side to look at the clock noting that it was still early but his brain was already up so he may as well join it and go get some coffee started. Cas would be up soon and the dude can't function without it. 

 

Dean was sitting in the kitchen when he heard a door open. Listening carefully, he could hear the scoot and shuffle that told him Cas was on his way. Sam must have been up late doing research since he hadn't seen him yet this morning. Getting up he fixed him two cups of coffee. He still took his first cup black but after tasting Cas's the way he made it with milk and a touch of honey, Dean had started having a cup that way. Just when he could enjoy it with Cas. 

He had just sat down with their mugs when Cas walked in. It was still a shock sometimes to see the angel, well fallen angel now, not wearing his holy accountant outfit. Dean could admit to himself that Cas looked good in his old Bon Jovi t-shirt and flannel sleep pants. The shirt was just a bit tight across Cas's chest. Who knew that he was so built under all the layers he used to wear. The angel's waist was thinner than Dean's so the pants were barely held up by the sharpest hip bones that Dean had ever seen. Dean had dreams about those hip bones but nobody needed to know that. 

"Mornin' sunshine." 

"Mornin' cupcake." 

That was another thing that was different about the angel, Dean thought, watching Cas glare at his coffee as if it insulted him before he began drinking it, Cas could come out with some sass when you least expected it. He gave it back to Dean every time he snarked at the angel. Dean enjoyed the banter. He realized that Cas had also started growing a beard lately. It was a good look on him.  

"You hungry?" 

"No. Thank you. I'm gonna take my refill and go do some research." 

Dean sat there thinking about all the ways that Cas was different as a human. He enjoyed trying new foods and Dean enjoyed taking him out to different restaurants. Most of the times it was just him and Cas. Sam would just want them to bring him some soup and salad. Sometimes he would pretend that they were actually on a date, but nobody had to know that.  

"Yeah, o.k. I'm gonna make something then I'll come help. Sam must be taking the morning off." 

"Sam left earlier this morning." 

"What?" 

"Yes. I saw him as I was coming back from the bathroom. He said he somethings to do and you do as well. He said to call him when you get up." 

"Thanks. I'll call after I eat." 

 

Dean never got around to making breakfast. He sat drinking coffee alone in the kitchen trying not to have a panic attack. He knew what Sam wanted him to do, he just didn't know if he could. He remembered every word of their talk late at night a few days ago. Dean had waited until Cas had gone to bed before he brought up his concerns.  

He had noticed in the time that Cas had been home that he was very very careful not to touch anyone. Granted it was just the three of them at the bunker since Kevin had gone back to his Mom's. Charlie came and went as she pleased, even had her own room here. The angel was careful to avoid any physical contact. Which was really odd to Dean since he was used to the casual touches they always shared. Hands clasping shoulders, bumping shoulders standing at the kitchen counter having whispered talks. Sitting leg to leg in a diner booth, hugs after being apart while Dean and Sam were on a hunt.  

That was another thing. Cas didn't want to hunt. If it looked like an easy hunt he would stay home. If it looked like something big Cas would come along, he was just weird about it. He always refused to share a bed with either him or Sam. Dean always pushed because he wanted to know what it was like to sleep next to Cas, but he insisted on getting a cot or if none were available the angel would sleep on the floor. 

 

It took Dean a day to really think, after first making his discovery, to realize he was right. He had tested it. A couple of days back he handed Cas a beer with his hand wrapped around it so that there was no way he could help but touch Dean's fingers. Cas said he had to go to the bathroom and he'd be right back, told Dean to just take it to the library for him. 

Dean had come out of his room to see Cas walking ahead of him. He jogged to catch up and when he went to throw his arm around Cas's neck, in a bro like way of course, Cas fell to the floor to avoid the contact. His excuse when Dean asked him what the fuck, was that he had been startled. He apologized before walking quickly away leaving Dean standing in the hallway when Sam came along and smacked up on the back of the head. 

"What's up, jerk" 

"I need to talk to you." 

"What?" 

"Later, when Cas is asleep." 

"Should I be worried?" 

"Maybe. Just don't say nothing to Cas for now." 

He knew he should've told Sam more than that but he needed to get his thoughts together. He grabbed his keys, he needed to just drive.  

 

After being on the back roads for a few hours he picked up some Chinese take out for dinner making sure that they made Cas's Mongolian Beef extremely spicy. Dude was a freak for heat. He could swear that time was dragging that night. Who knew that he would be so anxious to talk, but then again, it's about Cas. His best friend, one of the two hunters he trusts with his life. Cas was his partner in crime. They had gotten really good at hustling pool after their dinner 'dates'. Cas was and always would be his angel. 

As soon as Cas's door closed Sam was whispering to him. 

"What the hell is going on, Dean." 

Dean slowly and carefully laid out all his observations to his brother. He could see that Sam was doing his own thinking as he told him everything. He also saw the look of surprise when he told Sam what he thought was going on based on the research Dean had done. 

"You really dug deep into this." 

"Well, yeah, Sam. From what I've read and what I scammed the head shrinker into telling me, I do love being Agent Bonner, something happened to Cas that has caused him to reject touch. I, we, need to find out what happened. She said it's not healthy  for him to go on as he is. Of course, she offered to treat him right before I hung up." 

"O.k., so when are you going to talk to him?" 

"You mean WE" 

"No, Dean, I mean you. Don't get me wrong. I love Cas. He's family. He's my brother, but you two....man that's something else." 

He went to deny Sam's words but at the last second he decided he didn't want to. He decided to finally be honest with his brother and himself. 

"You're not wrong. I don't know what it is on his part but I ….I love him. You alright with that?" 

"Dude, yeah. I'm not Dad." 

Dean takes a deep breath as he looks up into his brother's eyes. He didn't think his brother thought the same way as his Dad had but he could admit to being nervous about telling him. 

"I miss him, Sammy. He's living here, I see him every day but I miss him. No casual touches the way he used to. I never realized how often we touched until it stopped. I miss him in my personal space. He keeps a certain distance and I don’t like it. Something happened and I need to help him." 

"You want me to be there when you talk to him?" 

"Nah. Gimme a day or so to figure out what to say. When I do talk to him maybe you can head out to the library or something." 

"Sure. I'm gonna go research what happens when you deny yourself touch. Night." 

"Night, Sam." 

Just as his brother was leaving the room he stopped to turn back towards Dean. 

"I think he feels the same, Dean. When I think about the way he looks at you? It looks like love." 

 

Shaking his head to come back from the memory Dean realizes his coffee is cold. Sam must have decided that a few days was long enough to figure out what to say. It was and it wasn't but Dean was done procrastinating. He went to find join Cas in the library. He pulled out the chair right next to the angel and he noticed that he slid to the far side of his seat to put as much distance between them as he could. 

"Cas, can we talk?" 

"Of course, Dean." 

"O.k., I got some stuff to say and I'm just gonna say it all and then we can discuss. I'm a bit nervous. O.k.?" 

"Yes. I'm listening." 

"Good. Great. Shew....this is hard. The thing is ….Cas...for a very long time I have had feelings for you. Other than being my best friend I mean. I mean as in a partner. I don't mean a hunting partner, which we are, but I mean in love partners. I love you Cas. In love. Did any of this make sense to you?" 

"Yes. I love you too. I have loved you for years as well." 

"Fuck! That's awesome! We'll get back to this. I need to ask you something first. Why do you not touch me anymore? Hell, you won't even touch Sam or Charlie. Tell me what's wrong, please." 

Dean was shocked when Cas crumbled into himself sobbing. The angel brought his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around his legs and hid his face while he shook with the force of his tears.  

"Cas, I need to hug you. Please! Tell me I can." 

"Noooo! I don't deserve your touch!" 

"Castiel! Look at me please!!" 

Dean waited as Cas slowly lifted his head, wiping his cheeks fiercely. It was killing Dean not to be able to comfort him but he had to respect the fact that Cas did not want his touch right now.  

"Cas. You deserve everything I can give you. I don't think I deserve your love but I am selfish enough that I will take it. I didn't think you returned my feelings so I kept my feelings to myself, and apparently so did you." 

"Dean, you don't understand...." 

"Tell me Cas." 

 

Dean was going to blow up the world. The last time he felt rage like he beat the hell out of Baby with a crow bar. He wasn't going to destroy her today but by God he needed to break something. He was shaking as he leaned against his bedroom door. He had sat next to Cas as he cried himself to sleep in the angel's room. Cas wouldn't let him hug him but he did link his pinky finger with Dean's. He watched him sleep until Cas eventually moved his hand. Dean refused to be the first to break the physical contact. 

He couldn't shake the boiling anger. He pushed off the door and stalked over to the wall and just began punching it over and over and over and over. Each hit he imagined shoving an angel blade into the reaper that dared to hurt Cas. She gave him shelter because he was homeless. She said she would put him on a bus the next day for him to get home. He felt for April too, he did, but Cas was........Cas.  

To think that a reaper possessed an innocent was bad. To hear Cas say that she did it to get to him was worse, but what caused Dean to be sick with anger was hearing his angel tell him that when the reaper made herself known she bragged about how she got to fuck an angel. To hear the heartbreak when Cas said that the reaper got him drunk and seduced him into having sex with her, with April. He didn't think he deserved to be touched because he thought he raped April. Dean felt the tears fall when the angel said he thought about not fighting when she said she was going to kill him but he wanted to see Dean again. 

Dean had done his best to convince him that it was the reaper and not Cas who was to blame for what happened but he didn't think Cas believed him. He would tell him until he did. Dean would do anything to help Cas. He was the love of Dean's life. Dean had cared for some others in his life maybe even loved a couple, but none of them to Cas. He finally quit hitting the wall when he heard his door open. He turned to see Cas standing there. 

"Stop, Dean. Your hands are bleeding." 

"I'm alright, Cas. I didn't mean to wake you." 

"You didn't. I heard the main door. Sam is back, he's in his room." 

He sat down when Cas patted the bed next to where he had sat after coming in. He kept some distance between them not wanted to cause Cas stress.  

"Let me see your hands." 

Dean held them up for Cas to inspect. He had some bloody knuckles and swelling. but he didn't think he broke anything. He heard a soft hum of worry from Cas as he tilted his head to make sure he could see everything. 

"Do you need some ice?" 

"I'll get some in a minute. Cas, I …..I love you. Together we will help you believe you deserve to be touched and are allowed to touch others. Right now I give my explicit consent that you can touch me in any and every way you want. Understand?" 

"Yeah. Let's go get you some ice and I guess I need to tell my story to Sam to ease his worry." 

"You don't have to Cas." 

"I know, but I do not want him to continue to worry. Come on." 

Dean is thrilled when Cas stands up and sticks his pinky out for Dean to grab on to. As they walk towards the kitchen Dean begins to swing their arms gently. He falls a bit more in love with the small smile he gets from Cas.  

 

"Sam. Can I talk to you?" 

Dean sees the brief look of surprise when his brother turns from the refrigerator to see them standing there with their fingers still hooked. He watches as he schools his face back to neutral before he agrees. Dean leads Cas over to the table and nods at Sam to sit across from them. 

"I am going to tell you my story of what happened as I tried to get home, is that all right?" 

"Sure, Cas. I'm listening." 

"Very well. When I fell I was injured. A very nice man found me in the woods in Oregon. I was dehydrated, starving, and I didn't know who I was. He called for help and I was soon in a hospital getting treatment. I won't bore you with all the minor injuries, they eventually healed. The broken foot took the longest, it still gives me trouble somedays. The doctors could not find a reason for the amnesia. I only had a mild concussion when I arrived. No matter how many tests they ran they remained clueless. May I have a beer, Dean?" 

"Sure. Beers all around." 

He tried to keep rage from building again. He was going to be calm and support Cas. He opened three bottles then sat back down next to Cas. As they all took a drink Dean felt Cas hook their fingers again. 

"So, after the doctors were convinced that I was physically healed they released me with a recommendation to go talk to someone. I assume they meant a psychologist but I didn't have any money, anywhere to live, nothing. They called a cab and sent me to a homeless shelter. I met some very nice people there but I felt this pull. I had no clue who I was but I knew I didn't belong in Oregon. A week later after making a few dollars helping a lady at a farmer's market, I left. I began walking. I didn't know where I was going I was just following the pull." 

Dean watched as Cas drank some more. He knew what was coming and as much as he didn't want to hear it again, he hated that Cas felt the need to tell it. When Cas look at him he tried to show him how much he loved him in his smile. He hoped it helped. 

"Thank you, Dean. A week before I made it home I was in a homeless shelter just a few towns away.  I still had no idea who I was. I had begun going by Steve due to a shirt I was given that had that name sewn on it. It was just easier that telling everyone I didn't know my name. This woman showed up that morning saying she needed someone to help her do some yard work. The nuns there seemed to know her and when she asked me I agree. The cash would come in handy for my journey. After reaching her home she did indeed have work for me to do. I cleaned up her yard most of the morning. She fed me lunch and was very friendly. In the afternoon I worked on putting swing set together. She said it was for her nieces and nephews." 

Cas got up taking their empties to the trash and grabbing three more beers. Dean looked at Sam and could see how sad he was for his friend. He just shook his head and Sam got it. He could see it on Dean's face he was sure. That Cas's story got worse. 

"The day wore on and she said she had made dinner for us before she would take me back to the shelter" Cas continued as he sat down again.  

"It smelled delicious and I was hungry so I agreed. Half way through the meal I began to feel a bit intoxicated which was odd as I was drinking sweet tea. I am not going to go into as much detail with you Sam as I did with Dean. After we had sex she showed herself to be a reaper possessing an innocent woman. She had spotted me walking into the shelter and was determined that she was going to 'fuck' an angel before she slaughtered it." 

Dean stuck his pinky out towards Cas under the table and was shocked when he slid his fingers through Dean's clasping their hands together. Cas was squeezing so hard but he could break it before Dean would say a word. If this is what he needed he would give it to him. 

"She made me a rapist. She...." 

"Cas, no! She's the one to blame. You are as innocent as that woman April"  

He was proud that Sam told Cas exactly what he had. Cas was innocent. 

"Thank you, Sam. I don't know if I can believe that now, but I am trying. I am. I explained to Dean that I don't feel worthy of being touched in an affectionate way, but I want to with Dean." 

Dean smiled at the angel when he turned to look at him. Cas took his free hand and wiped a few tears that were rolling down his cheeks.  

"Cas, man. Anything I can do, anything you need. I'm here for you brother." 

"Thank you, Sam. I think it's enough today that I have told you both my story, and I have confessed my feelings to your brother. I am quite tired. Do I have time to nap before lunch?" 

"Sure. I'll wake you when it's ready in a few hours." 

"Thank you, Dean." 

He felt Cas squeezed his hand before he left taking his beer with him. He watched him walk out of the room before turning back to look at his brother. He could see the anger as well as the pain he was feeling for what his friend had gone through. 

"You alright, Dean?" 

"No. I want to set fire to the universe, but.....I can't. I need to be here for him. I'll tell ya' what though, we run into that reaper.....boom." 

"Agreed. You guys need anything, I mean anything, I'm here." 

"Thanks, Sammy. I might take him out tonight. Find something he hasn't tried yet, make it a real date." 

"Nice. I'm gonna do some research. See what's going on." 

"Alright. I'll find a place to to take him tonight. May Greek food." 

 

It had been a wonder and painful month since he and Cas had confessed their love. He told the angel several times a day how he felt and Cas was just as eager to voice his love to Dean. They had been on a few hunts and while they were easy Cas had come along. Cas hated to let go of Dean's hand. He held it as much as possible which is why he came on simple hunts now. Dean let him. He was comfortable enough to lay in the bed with Dean while they talked and they talked about anything and everything.  

When they were in a motel room Cas would still get a cot. He told Dean he was afraid he would do something while he was asleep. Dean reassured him that he had Dean's consent, approval, and whole-hearted desires that he could touch Dean any time he wanted. Dean never pushed though. He let Cas know he was in control of anything physical that happened between them. The angel would give him a small smile and thank him. 

He took Cas out several times over the month. He enjoyed telling Cas that he used to pretend that they were on dates before and he roared with laughter when Cas confessed he did the same. They still hustled pool there was just a lot more flirting between them. Cas enjoyed the fun attention especially knowing that he was in charge. Dean was surprised at how easy Cas took to flirting with him. He liked it.  

They also spent time researching ways to help Cas get over his aversion to touch. Dean told Cas that he could go talk to someone who was objective if he wanted, though he'd have to change his story. No reaper. They kept researching. 

 

Dean was preparing breakfast at the bunker while Sam and Cas went jogging together. Cas  always invited him knowing that Dean would smirk at him. Dean told him he only ran from monsters, not for fun. 

He looked over seeing Cas walk in fresh out of his shower. They had bought him some of his own clothes but he still preferred Dean's older shirts. Truth be told Dean liked the angel in his clothes.  

"What's up, Buttercup?" 

"I want to talk to you about something, pirog." 

"O.k., but what does pirog mean?" 

"It's Russian for pie" 

"Awesome. What do you need, Cas?" 

"Sam found something while researching my problem and it sounds like something I want to try. I don't know if it will work or if..." 

Dean could see Cas getting nervous so he held his hand up for him to stop before he laid it on the table palm side up. He immediately had Cas's hand on his clasping tightly.  

"If you want to try, we will. If it doesn't work the first time we try again or move on to another solution. Tell me." 

"You always tell me I'm in charge and I do feel that way with you. Sam read a paper by doctor that said it may be easier to touch than to be touched." 

"O.k. I've given you my consent. I will give it again." 

"Thank you, Dean. What they are talking about is....I want to....I want to touch your naked body." 

"Sure, o.k. I can do that." 

"But, I'm not ready for you to touch me. Are you o.k. with this?" 

"Yes, Cas. When...when did you want to do this?" 

"I think you should take me on a date tonight and then when we come home we will try this. Alright?" 

"Yes. What do you want to try tonight?" 

"Nothing new, let's go back to the Russian restaurant, pirog." 

"You got it, sweetie pie." 

He went back to making breakfast laughing at their silly game of nicknames and very excited for the night ahead. 

 

Dean was nervous. Really nervous. Like a virgin, nervous. They had a wonderful dinner. Dean flirted and Cas blushed. Cas flirted and Dean blushed. The waiter told them they were the cutest thing. They agreed. Now they were home. Cas had gone to change into his sleep wear but he asked Dean not to remove more than his jacket and shoes. So, Dean was standing there getting nervous. See movement by the door he looked up in time to see Cas closing the door before walking up to Dean. 

"I would like your consent one more time, Dean." 

"No problem. You have my enthusiastic consent to touch me in any way you want. Any part of my body is yours to explore in any way you wish. Do I have your word that you are doing this for you, us, and not just for me?" 

"I give you my word I want this." 

"Alright. Its' your show." 

Cas sits on the foot of the bed and asks Dean to remove his clothes. He's surprised that Cas doesn't watch him, the angel is looking at his hands that are in his lap. When he gets everything off Dean takes one step towards Cas and then stops.  

"I'm ready." 

"Will you lay on the middle of the bed on your back please." 

"Sure, babe." 

He walks around to climb on the bed, doing it away from Cas. He doesn't want to cause his any anxiety during this. He situates his pillow and gets comfortable. He decides to raise his arms so he can push his hands under the pillow. Just to help him remember not to reach out for Cas. 

Taking a deep breath he tells Cas he's ready. He finds that he's whispering. He doesn't want to do anything to spook Cas. He is being so brave wanting to try and feel better. He's told Dean that nervous but ready to move forward. Now all Dean could do was sit back and let the angel do what he needed to. 

"It’s so quiet, Dean." 

"Do you want some background noise?" 

"Yeah." 

"Hand me my phone, it's in my pocket." 

Dean turns on his Spotify app pulling up the playlist he has labeled 'Cas'. It's the songs that he has noticed Cas singing along to when they are in the car. He keeps the volume low and places his phone by his pillow and gets his arms back under the pillow. When he looks back at Cas he sees the angel is standing so still while his eyes are shifting quickly as he looks over Dean's naked body. 

"Are you o.k.?" 

"Yes." 

He watched as Cas climbed on the bed sitting on his knees right next to Dean's hip. When he looked into his eyes he made sure to give the angel a confident smile. 

"You got this, Cas. You're in control, and I love you." 

"I love you. You are so beautiful, Dean. I can remember putting you back together. I believe I fell in love with your soul right then. It may have taken me a bit longer to fall in love with your personality, your intelligence, your courage, and your loyalty but I got there." 

Dean did what he always did when he got a bit overwhelmed with emotions, he made a joke. 

"What about my sense of humor, and my awesome taste in music?" 

"I'm still in just in the like phase with those aspects of you." 

Cas joking back with him broke the tension Dean was feeling as he laughed. He had been a bit uncomfortable just lying there naked with Cas. He didn't have a problem with his body and he enjoyed naked times. He really wanted to enjoy naked times with Cas, but right now he needed to do this for Cas. He'd do anything for Cas. He winked at the angel and closed his eyes.  

Nothing happened for a few minutes but eventually he felt a finger graze his shoulder. He realized it was the same one that Cas had left his mark on when he rescued Dean all those years ago. The touch was gentle yet firm at the same time. He smiled knowing that Cas was tracing the shape of the mark he left. 

"I can still feel it some days." 

"You can? When?" 

Son of a bitch. He didn't mean to tell Cas about this but he and the angel promised complete honesty. 

"Umm. A lot of times I can feel it if I'm having a low day. A day when I'm feeling low about myself. There are other times, times when I'm alone, thinking about you while I …..while I am stroking myself that I place one hand where the mark was and it's almost like it's a connection to you. At least that's how it feels in the moment." 

"You think of me when you masturbate?" 

"Yep. Do you, I mean have you gotten off since the rape?" 

"Only when I've been asleep." 

"Can I ask what you are dreaming of?" 

"You can ask anything, you know that. I dream of you, Dean. Always you." 

Dean smiled, that answer made him happy. He felt Cas place his whole hand where the mark used to me. That's the most Cas had touched him in ages. He could feel his cock give a little jerk in response. He kept his eyes closed. He wanted to keep this as innocent as he could for the angel but there was no way he could keep his body from reacting. 

"Cas? I need you to know that with as much as I love you and as much as I desire you, my body is going to react to you touching me. I'm not going to move or do anything at all, I just want you to know so it doesn't startle you." 

"Thank you. I can see your reaction. My hand may be on my mark but my eyes are not." 

"Cool." 

Dean was so not cool. Hearing Cas call it 'his mark' made Dean feel like he had been claimed. He mused that in a way he had been. He was a bit flustered hearing Cas say he looked as Dean's cock twitched. The thought of the angel seeing that made blood starting moving south. Pretty soon Cas was going to see it more than twitch. He took a few deep breaths trying to think of anything that would stop his erection. 

"Are you getting uncomfortable with this Dean?" 

"Nah. I'm good, Cas. Just trying to think clean thoughts so I don't pop a boner." 

"I see." 

Just then he felt Cas's other hand lay on the side of his chest with his thumb resting under his pec.  

"I called someone else, you know. To talk about not being able to feel worthy of touch after an abuse. He told me that the longer I deprived myself of touch while I am craving the touch of you, the worse I would feel. He told me I was in Touch Starvation. Do you know what that means?" 

"No." 

He was concentrating so hard on what Cas was telling him but when the angel paused Dean found that Cas had moved his hands without him noticing. The one hand was on his mark while the other had moved down and was resting on Dean's hip bone. He shook himself mentally to get away from the thoughts he was having of how easy it would be for Cas to just slide his hand over to cup his cock. 

"It means that I have an extreme desire to be touched in affection and love. It does not need to be sexual but it can be. It feels constricting along with the feeling of unworth." 

"You are worthy and deserving of Everything, Castiel." 

"So are you. Now, I don't know exactly what I am ready for but I know that I wish to touch you in a more intimate way. Are you o.k. with that?" 

"Are you doing this because my body is reacting to you or because you want this?" 

"I want this." 

"Then touch. You know you have my consent." 

"Tell me a spot. A spot that makes you swell." 

"Umm...one that gets a little reaction or a big reaction?" 

"Let's start small then we can move up." 

"O.k., my neck. I like having my neck touched. It's a small when touched but it can jump to a big reaction if you kiss or bite it." 

"I think touch it all I....." 

"Cas...stop. I'm not asking for anything. You are in charge, I'm just giving you information for tonight and the future. Got it?" 

"I got it." 

He felt the bed move as Cas shuffled closer to the top. The fingers began walking from his mark across his shoulder to his neck. He felt like an instrument Cas was tapping out a song on. He was gentle tracing the cord on the side of Dean's neck. He turned just a bit for Cas to see more of what he was doing. 

Dean was so relaxed. He was thoroughly enjoying having Cas's hands on him. The angel took his time massaging his neck and shoulders. He had Dean tell him where he enjoyed being kissed or bitten when Cas's fingers landed on the spot. For future reference of course. 

"Next." 

"My pecs and sternum." 

He felt the angel's large and extremely soft hands slide from his neck down to cradle his pecs. Cas took his whole hands and massage across Dean's chest. Dean felt like he could swoon if he wasn't already lying down with his eyes closed. His cock had softened a bit during the neck exploration but was chubbing up again quickly. During one certain rub of Cas's hand his thumb rubbed against Dean's nipple. O.k., that was one of Dean's Big spots. He bowed his body, pushing his chest into Cas's hands and he felt his cock rise up to lay across his stomach. 

"I'm sorry, Cas. I didn't mean to move." 

"It's fine....it's fine. You are sensitive there?" 

"Yeah, my nipples are one of my big or maybe huge spots." 

"So, if I were to do that again would you react the same way?" 

"Umm...yeah." 

"Dean. I need to do that again." 

"O.....o.k." 

Dean was dying, or in heaven. He didn't know which. Cas was playing with both of his nipples rubbing them with his thumbs, he even gently ran his fingernail over the hard nub.  

"Oh Cas! Fuck.....that's amazing. I …..I love you." 

"I love you, Dean. I find I enjoy giving you pleasure. You still consent?" 

"Yes!" 

Normally this bit of foreplay would get Dean going but not this much. He figures it's because he hasn't been touched like this by another hand since right before the angel's fell. Maybe he was touch starved too. 

"Next." 

"Ummm...uh...yeah. My belly. The pudgy area right below my belly button. I like to have it rubbed, squished and kissed. I never encouraged anyone to do it, but when we progress I want you to cover my belly with hickies." 

"Just your belly?" 

"I will wear any bite mark you want to leave on me Cas. Just has to be wear clothes cover in case I have to play FBI or something." 

"When we progress will you put your marks on my body?" 

Dean moaned in a timber he had never heard before. It felt like it came from his soul and maybe it did. Thinking about sucking marks on Cas's body was going to drive him insane.  

"Where?" 

"Where do I want you to mark me? Same as you, all over." 

"Oh, yes. I want that too. When we progress." 

"Yes. Next." 

"My lower back. Right about my ass. I love to have it rubbed and kissed." 

"Roll over, Dean." 

"Yeah." 

He carefully rolled over so he didn't kicked Cas off the bed. He also had to reach down to arrange his hard cock so he didn't hurt himself. Just that brief touch caused him to moan again. Dean heard Cas's breath catch so he quickly settled down so that Cas could touch him. 

"O.k. Cas. I'm ready." 

"So, you like your back massaged?" 

"Yeah." 

"Do you have any lotion? I wish to try." 

"Umm....I don't have lotion but I have lube." 

"Where?" 

Dean leaned over to grab the lube from his bedside table. He handed it back to Cas without looking at him. For some reason handing the angel the bottle of lube he used while jacking off to thoughts of him made him blush like a virgin. 

He felt the bed shift as Cas moved again. Just as Dean was wondering how Cas was going to do this he felt the angel throw one leg over him and settle down on Dean's thighs. His angel was straddling his naked body to massage his back. Holy BatCrap, did it make his cock leak. He wasn't usually a leaker but like he said it had been awhile. He could feel the pearl roll down the head of his cock before it soaked into the bed sheet. 

"Dean." 

"Yeah?" 

"I ….I had forgotten. It's been so many years and so many world ending crisises, that I had forgotten." 

"What?" 

"I had forgotten that when rebuilding your body, I added freckles to your back. I placed my favorite constellations to your skin." 

"Really? Cool." 

"You're not angry?" 

"Nope. How are you feeling? Sitting on me, you o.k.?" 

"I feel wonderful Dean. I am still having thoughts of not deserving this but then I hear you tell me that you love me and I know I do. I just need to go slow." 

"I do love you. I will love you forever and a day, Cas." 

"Thank you, Dean." 

 

Dean enjoyed his massage. Cas had the perfect hands to rub out the tension in Dean's muscles. Hands that rebuilt Dean's body and soul and were now silently telling Dean of his love for him. He was slightly embarrassed at some of the noises the angel pulled from him during the massage but it seemed that Cas liked them. 

"Dean, are you still hard?" 

"Yeah." 

"May I see you?" 

"You want me to turn over?" 

"Yes." 

He felt sat sit up on his knees but he didn't move from straddling Dean's thighs. Oh boy, this was really going to kill Dean. He turned carefully, again, not to knock Cas off the bed. As soon as he was on his back he shoved his arms under the pillow. He was having a hard time not reaching for Cas seeing the angel sitting on him staring at his cock. He felt another pearl start to leak out from his slit. 

"Oh. Dean." 

"I can't control it, I'm sorry...." 

"Don’t say stupid things, Dean. I …..think you are a marvel. Do you always leak?" 

"No...no. I think it's just because I am extremely turned on by you. I just realized while you were massaging me that I haven't been with anyone since before the fall. I am craving touch, but only yours Cas. Only want to be touched by my love, my lover." 

He watched as Cas raised his eyes from Dean's hard on to look him in the eyes. The angel was chewing on his bottom lip and was thinking too hard. 

"What's going through your mind?" 

"I have made a decision and I'm not sure how you will react." 

"Are you leaving me?" 

"No!" 

"Then I'm good. What have you decided, Cas?" 

He had to work hard not to reach out when Cas sat back down on his thighs as he pulled off his t-shirt. He had seen Cas without a shirt many times over the years but never while the man was sitting on him while he was naked and hard. 

"I want skin to skin contact with you. I am going to lay down on top of you and I want us to hold each other." 

"I will cuddle you for days if you want. I'm down for that. Do you think as we progress you would want to stay in this room with me, make it our room?" 

"We can move my things here in the morning." 

"Cool. Just ...umm...if you lay on top of me, Cas, I'm gonna go off. I'm so hard, I need to get off. Let me go take care of this then we can snuggle. Alright?" 

"Dean, would you be opposed to me laying on you and you getting off? I would like to hold you while you cum." 

Dean held his arms out wide smiling at Cas, inviting him to lay down. He loved the smile he got as he released his lip from his teeth, the angel sat up tall on his knees again and placed his hands on Dean's hips. Dean groaned when Cas winked at him before his dragged his hands up Dean's body as he stretched out to lay almost completely on top of him. Cas pushed one leg between Dean's and laid he head on his shouler.  

"Are you alright with this?" 

"Yeah, I'm real good, Cas. How are you feeling?" 

"I feel really good. I feel in control and I feel loved. Now, I want you to lay your hands on me and make yourself cum." 

Dean could get used to this. 


End file.
